UNTITLED~Chapter I (REVISED)

CHAPTER I

It was Aika’s last day as a college student; she had spent the past four years studying the Italian language at the University of Japan and was beginning the next phase of her life, whatever that should be. Her choice of career was often subject to debate whenever she visited home, namely by her twin brother, Aiko. He often mocked her dream of being a teacher of the Italian language. Although foreign language teachers were needed in Japan, Italian was not one of the most popular choices. Aika knew this when she first chose her major yet, despite her brothers naysaying, it didn’t bother her. Aika had never visited Italy but somehow she still felt drawn to the language as well as the culture that the country offered. After working hard for the last four years, she graduated near the top of her class. Graduation day was more than two days ago and with the help of her brother, today was moving day and the first day of the rest of her life. She anxiously waited for Aiko to arrive with their families work van which for the day was serving as a moving van.

As Aika stood at her dormitory window, enjoying her last few minutes alone, she was suddenly swept away with thoughts of her mother. Aika’s almond brown eyes began to swell with tears as the thoughts swirled and danced inside her mind, bringing forth memories of her mother’s laughter and also of her smile. Whenever she thought of her mother’s smile, the one that would light up a room, Aika would always beam with pride, as she shared the same smile. When Aika felt down, be it from a paper that was due or from being home sick, it was her mother’s smile that would cheer her up. She kept a picture of her parents by her bed. The picture was taken on their wedding day and Aika’s mother was no older then she was now. Her mother was wearing a beautifully made red silk Cherry Blossom Kanzashi (hair ornament), the same one that Aika would often wear when she wanted to feel connected to her; the one she wore it on graduation day. Aika’s mothers smile almost radiated from the flat one dimensional picture.

She often wondered if her mother was smiling down on her now, proud of her little girl for following her dream of being a teacher; or if she was frowning with disappointment in the fact that Aika wasn’t married with children by now? Although her father had supported her decision to be a teacher, she knew that it was frowned upon by the rest of her family, namely Aiko.

As children they had been as close as two souls could be, playing ball in their small yard and chasing the frozen treat truck during the hot summer months of their youth. They both had their mother’s smile, and their fathers almond brown eyes. They differed in appearance not only because of gender but also because Aiko resembled their paternal grandfather, as they both had beautifully round faces, full of warm vitality. Aika resembled her maternal grandmother, as they both had a classic beauty. Aika’s oval shaped face complemented her creamy complexion and her pink tinged cheeks, drawing upon her warm nature. It was shortly after their 12^th birthday when it all changed and their differences became more than just appearance.

As their birthday approached they began to notice that their mother had started to become increasingly tired, unusual for the fun loving spirited mother they were accustomed to seeing. What they hadn’t taken notice of were of the sudden frequency of doctor’s appointments, the more frequent visits from family and friends, and the secretive conversations held behind closed doors. What Aika and Aiko didn’t know was that their mother was dying of Leukemia. They would later find out that it was their mother’s decision to keep her diagnosis from them, not wanting to alarm the children of her impending death; she wished to create an abundance of beautiful memories for her children, filled with happiness and laughter, not sadness and tears. Aika loved her mother for that.

“Aika, are you ready?” Aiko asked as he walked into the dormitory room. She could tell by the rigidness of his tone that he hadn’t wanted to take the day off from their family fish market. She wished her father would have let her ask her friends. She had planned on asking Jin, a childhood friend, to help her but instead he had ordered her brother to help.

“Yes,” she answered, thinking about their small town and her family. Oh, how she missed the smell of the ocean.

“Good, I don’t want to waste any more time doing what we could have had hired done. I don’t know what father was thinking when he sent me to help you; I have much to do today.”

Since Aiko began working alongside their father at their small, yet profitable, family fish market he slowly began to expand their cliental to local businesses. What began as a small catering business specializing in rare tuna and traditional Japanese sushi, servicing the local area businesses, was quickly expanding into the city. As their catering business grew into a successful business, so did Aiko’s ego.

Aika and Aiko barely spoke during the 45 minute ride home to their small village near Katsuura. They had lived in their small brick home since they were born; it had been in their father’s family for generations. She was anxious to see her father, whom she had not laid eyes upon since her last holiday visit home, more than three months ago. She closed her eyes for what seemed like only a moment, remembering her mother’s face, her father’s laughter and her grandmother’s special tea.

“Isn’t that just great, I’ve wasted my day with this moving nonsense and you sleep it away. By the way, we’re home.”

Aika paused for a moment before opening her eyes, allowing the salty smell of the sea welcome her home. She had always loved the smell of the sea; it reminded her of days lingering along its shores with her family. Her mother would pack a lunch and bring Aika and Aiko down to play with their red dragon kite along the shoreline. They were innocent then, believing that they were touching the clouds as their kite drifted along the invisible currents of wind. While they played their mother would gaze intently at their father as he artfully casted out his fishing line. He would fish for the pure enjoyment of it, not for profit. Aika guiltily grieved more for the total loss of her family as it was, more than she did for her mother. It was memories such as these that allowed Aika to overlook much of her brother’s coldness towards her.

Aiko’s voice snapped her back into the moment, “I’m not unloading this alone Aika! I have places to be!”

Ugh, she thought to herself as she climbed out of the truck. “I know, I know. I’m sorry Aiko. Thank you for helping me with my move back home. I know you are busy with clients,” Aika genuinely answered back against her brother’s impatience. She missed the Aiko from the beach.

As she made her way to the back of the moving van, she caught a glimpse of a familiar face. At first she recognized it as her mother; she often made this mistake since her passing.

“Aika! Welcome home and congratulations on your graduation from the university!”

“Auntie! What a pleasant surprise! Aiko didn’t mention you were going to be visiting,” Aika said as she made her way towards her mother’s younger sister, Ren.

When Aika’s mother was only three years old, her father died in a horrible car accident and it wouldn’t be until she was five that her mother would remarry. Ren was born a year later and became the apple of everyone’s eye, especially her older sister, Aika’s mother. Even though they were six years apart, Aika’s mother and Aunt Ren were inseparable. As adults, Aika’s mother and Aunt Ren would often meet for tea outside their family fish market, drinking Houjicha Karigane (a special family mixture of tea leaves) and nibbling on steamed double-chocolate cupcakes while reminiscing about their youth, and dreaming about their future; they appeared to be acting out a scene from their childhood. As a young girl, Aika would often join them “for tea”, her mother and aunt would giggle and speak about strange things which Aika had no knowledge of. Now, as an adult herself, Aika came to understand that some things are not meant for small ones ears and she was sure that her mother and aunt were speaking “in code”. It warmed Aika’s heart to remember those times, happy times. She was happy that her aunt had taken it upon herself to help Aika settle back into her home and role. The prospect of such a task overwhelmed her but was made easier knowing she was not alone.

“Aika, wake up! I have not come all the way from the city just to stand here and watch you stare out at the universe,” Auntie Ren belted out in her raspy voice and with a mischievous look upon her face. Oh, how Aika missed her!

Quickly, Aika ran to her aunt and with her arms wide open, whole heartedly embracing her. She closed her eyes and for a brief moment she lost herself, envisioning it was her mother hugging her rather than her aunt.

“My goodness child, I’ve missed you too!” Auntie Ren said as she detached herself from Aika.

“I’m sorry Auntie, it’s just that I’ve missed you. I am thrilled that you are here for a visit, if I would have known I would of moved in yesterday and had dinner arranged for today. Please accept my apologies,” Aika shyly said. Although she was elated with her aunt’s visit, she felt embarrassed that she wasn’t prepared.

“Oh nonsense, you silly girl! If you had known yesterday, it wouldn’t have been a surprise today! Besides, I am treating you to dinner tonight, a celebratory dinner—for girls only! I am so proud that you have graduated for University,” Aunt Ren said with a gleam in her eye.

Just then, Aika’s father came walking over, still wearing his work apron, which was decorated with traces of today’s fresh catch of tuna and smelling of fish.

“Aika!” he joyfully exclaimed as he brought her into the warmth of his arms.

Aika didn’t mind that she too now smelled of fish, for it was the smell of an honest man’s work. As a small child, no more than three or four, she had fought hard against his fishy hugs but now as his child of 23 she fought for them.

“Father, I was going to visit you at the market as soon as I unloaded the van.”

“I know, but I thought I would leave work early today to welcome my favorite daughter home. Besides, what use is it to own your own business if you can’t leave early ever now and then?” he answered back as he greeted his sister in law with a hug.

“Now, Aiko, finish helping your sister unload the van, your Auntie Ren and I are going inside for tea and conversation. It has been far too long since we’ve last spoke and we have much to catch up on,” their father said as he and Aunt Ren went inside the house.

“Yes, father.”

Aika took notice of the grumbling behind her. It was coming from her brother.

“I don’t know why Jin is not here to help. He’s practically a family member after all and you are soon to be his responsibility,” Aiko hissed.

He had many expectations of Aika which he made quite clear during their ride home. He had expressed his wish for her to marry Jin, a local boy whom they had grown up with. Although Aika was very fond of Jin, she was by no means in love with him. She had heard from others that their love would come in time, but she didn’t want that for herself. She had dreams of falling in love with a man who loved her for who she was rather then who her family was. The idea of arranged marriages, no matter how foreign and distant the practice may seem to some, was still common. It was now 1999 and although things had not changed much with the general population, they had within her family. It was her father’s wish that both of his children would be blessed to find a love like the one he had with their mother. Aika believed it was her mother’s death that allowed their father to show his feeling and emotions without fear or shame. She had only wished her brother would have followed her father’s lead and done the same. Although she loved Jin, and he her, it was comparable to the love of a brother and a sister.

As children Aika, Aiko and Jin often spent their summers together, dreaming of the future and chasing each other down the shores that lined their village. They acted as carefree children, and rightfully so, as they were still innocent and naïve.

They remained that way until the summer when they first noticed that things around their house were changing. Still not knowing of their mother’s sickness, Aika and Aiko began to notice their mother spoke slower, moved slower, but loved more. The children began to do more to help her around the house, even Jin. The three of them would spend their days assisting in the daily chores, the boys to the more manual jobs such as gardening and even cleaning, and Aika tended to her mother. On their mother’s “bad” days Aika would help her bath and dress, taking extra care when brushing through her long hair as it had begun falling out. Aika was not sure why her mother’s hair was thinning nor did she ask her. As the boys bonded over housework and laundry, Aika and her mother shared times in the kitchen creating dishes that had been passed down generation to generation. Aika began to appreciate the richness of their family’s history. What began as their great, great grandfather’s small fishing line, made up of a few small boats, became their grandfather’s fish market. It was their father’s hard work, determination, genuine care for their community, along with his humbleness about it all, that made for a prosperous and successful livelihood. It was Aiko’s turn now to continue with their family’s tradition of success.

As Aika remembered the days before it all changed, she missed more than anything the closeness of her brother. Although she missed her mother dearly, she knew she had not chosen to leave her children motherless, but Aika felt as though Aiko had chosen to withdraw from her and treat her coldly. It was Jin that would help Aika heal from her mother’s death and her brother’s distance. As Jin and Aika became closer, Aiko grew further from the two of them. He would still run the streets of their small village, but with other boys. Aika and Jin remained close right up until she left for university; their friendship was strictly platonic and had never advanced any further than the brother/sister relationship, even though their families would have hoped for more. In essence, he became the brother that Aiko wasn’t. Recently, Jin had begun dating a classmate of theirs, Ming. Aika and Ming had been in several classes together and she liked her very much.

Aika had been surprised that Jin hadn’t helped Aiko with the move today; it was unlike Jin. As they pulled up to her house today, she had hoped he would be there to welcome her back home.

“Aiko, I was wondering why Jin hadn’t helped with the move today. Do you know if he plans on stopping by?” Aika asked. No sooner had the words slipped out from behind her lips, Aika wished she could fish them back in.

Aika had forgotten about the argument between her brother and Jin. When Aiko first discovered that Jin was courting Ming he became upset—he had assumed that Jin and Aika would marry. Aiko confronted Jin about his relationship with Ming, and what little connection to their former friendship that was left became broken.

“I have no use for Jin, nor do I wish to discuss the lack of his presence today any longer with you. Let’s just get this van unloaded so I can be on my way,” Aiko snapped back at Aika.

“Aiko, I understand. Thank you for all of your help today, it really means a lot.”

Aika could see the hardness in Aiko’s presence begin to soften a bit.

“You’re welcome,” Aiko answered back in a softer tone than earlier.

Ahh, there he is, Aika thought to herself, my brother and friend. It was rare but there were still moments when the old Aiko would return to make his presence known. It was because of those genuine moments that Aika was able to overlook the hardened Aiko.

“If we hurry, we can get have the van unpacked and you can begin to get ready for your night out with Auntie Ren. I still can’t believe she was able to get reservations at Oyaji. It has become quite popular since your last visit a few months ago. How she managed to get reservations on such short notice I still don’t understand. Even I have not been able to make reservations that weren’t more than a week and a half in advance, and it is our business that supplies them with their tuna! You’re going to enjoy it though, I’ll tell you that much,” Aiko said as he brushed the beads of sweat off his brow with the back of his hand. He had hands like father, calloused, stained and rough— the hands of a man who worked hard doing what he loved.

Aika could tell that the wall which Aiko kept guarded was beginning to crumble allowing her to catch a glimpse of her brother from the beach. This warmed her heart and made it easier to be home.

“You could join us tonight at Oyaji if you wish. I’m sure Auntie Ren wouldn’t mind. I hadn’t realized that they had become so popular, although it doesn’t surprise me, after all we are their top vendor for fish,” Aika said with a wink.

“Thank you for inviting me Aika, but like I said earlier I really do have some business to attend to before the end of the day. Our catering business has really taken off and it seems as if I never have a free moment to myself, although I really enjoy it. It is very fulfilling to know that all the hard work our grandfathers and father has done is recognized and appreciated. I can truly see this new business venture being a continuation in that, a sort of transformation of what they began.”

“I understand Aiko. I am very proud of all your hard work,” Aika warmly expressed to her brother as they unloaded the last of her belongings.

Once the last box was brought into the house, Aiko said goodbye to his father and aunt. Aika looked around the outside of her childhood home before venturing inside of it to get ready for tonight’s dinner with Aunt Ren. As Aika was walking inside, Aiko was making his way out.

Pausing for a moment, Aika stopped Aiko.

“Aiko, it really has been nice spending some time alone with you; I’ve missed you these past few years. I hope that we will grow closer now that I am done with school and back home again. I also want you to let me know if you need me to help out at the fish market or with the catering business. I want to do my part.”

“I too have enjoyed our time more than I thought I would. It will be nice having you around the house again; it has been too quiet since you’ve been gone,” Aiko honestly responded, allowing his old self to resurface once again. “I just may take you up on your offer to help with the catering business; we have been very busy lately. You may wish you hadn’t offered!” He said with a wink as he got into the van.

Waving goodbye, Aika made her way inside the house to get ready for tonight’s dinner with Aunt Ren. She had a feeling that things weren’t going to be as bad as she had originally thought.

Two hours later, she and Aunt Ren were laughing together at their table at Oyaji’s. Aunt Ren was telling Aika about her latest adventures of online dating, which Aunt Ren was failing miserably at. Aika wasn’t too keen on the idea of meeting strangers online in hopes of finding love but who was she to judge her aunt, after all she seemed to be having fun at it. Aika was truly enjoying the night, it had been a long time since she was able to relax and unwind. The past few months were filled with studying, term papers, finial exams, graduation, life choices, and internal conflict of which way to go in life; this evening with Aunt Ren was just what she needed.

Aunt Ren was on her fourth story of her online dating debacles when dessert came, vanilla bean ice cream. Although it was simple, it was Aika’s favorite. She loved the sweetness of the cream. As their dishes were being served, Aunt Ren suddenly stopped her story. She had been going on and on about Michi, a Koi pond installer, who she had recently met online and who’s company she was enjoying. Aunt Ren’s silence concerned Aika as Aunt Ren was not known as someone who is often quiet.

“Auntie, are you feeling well? We could leave if you’d like,” Aika asked.

As Aunt Ren looked up at Aika with tears in her eyes, she began to slowly explain. “Aika, many years ago when my sister, your mother, became ill she made me promise. She made me promise that I would be there for you and your brother, as well as your father. As you know, throughout the years not one holiday, special occasion, or celebration has gone by where we all haven’t missed her presence. I have watched, as you and your brother have grown into fine young adults, full of both your parents’ spirit and passion. Aiko’s drive and ambition has helped him expand your father’s fishing business and he has become quite successful in doing so. He has your father’s passion for success, you know?”

Aika sat silently, not sure what to say or do. She was confused. She listened intently as Aunt Ren continued.

“Aika, you have done remarkably well in school and I am so very proud of you. I couldn’t have asked for a better niece or nephew.”

“Auntie, I am honored by your kind words but…” Aika began to say.

“Aika! Shhh child, let me continue. If I don’t say what I have traveled all this way to say, I would have wasted my time and I am not going to let that happen. Aika, I came today not to welcome you home or to bring you out for dinner. I came with a gift, a gift of the spirit—the spirit of your beautiful mother,” Auntie Ren continued to Aika’s bewilderment.

“Let me explain. As I have already shared with you, I promised my older sister I would always be there for you and your brother, but she made me promise one additional thing when it came to you, her only daughter. She swore me to secrecy, even from your father as she wasn’t sure if he would be agreeable to it. She made me swear that I would nurture your spirit, her spirit. She wanted you to see the world, to live for yourself, to choose who to love for yourself and to create the life you wanted for yourself. She wanted me to guide you along the way, encouraging you to be who you wanted to be. Honestly, she wanted you to do what she wasn’t able to do.”

“Auntie, I am very confused. My mother was happy. She never seemed as though she was not content to be with Aiko, father and I,” Aika responded with a shake in her voice.

“Aika, she was very happy with your father, and blessed to be in love. You must know, even though her marriage to your father was arranged, she was deeply in love with him. They grew up together and were sweethearts from a young age. They did not look at their arranged marriage to each other as a bad fortune but rather good fortune because they had seen what it had done to their friends who were not as lucky,” Aunt Ren continued.

Aika could see it wasn’t easy for her aunt to speak of her beloved older sister. She attempted to ease the pain in her voice. “Auntie, mother often told me stories of her courtship with father. She mostly shared the stories such as their first kiss on father’s small fishing boat and their first dance at the Cherry Blossom Festival, on days when she couldn’t do more than speak. Although I know now why she was so tired, I loved those days with mother. I felt the bond between her and I become stronger. I miss her so.”

“As do, I, Aika which is why it is important that I pass onto you what your mother had asked me to. Before I continue, I must tell you that your father and I have already spoken and he supports this gift which I am about to give you wholeheartedly,” Auntie Ren said as tears streamed down her cheeks.

Aika had never seen her Aunt cry, not even when Aika’s mother died. She immediately got up from her seat and made her way to her Aunt who was seated opposite of her. Seeing how much pain Aunt Ren was experiencing caused Aika to worry that something was wrong.

“Auntie, I’m sorry you’re upset,” Aika said as she herself felt a wave of emotion begin to make its way through her. As hard as she tried, the tears knew their way out. She had spent many hours during her young life wiping them away.

“Oh Aika, look what you’re crazy Auntie has done now— you’re crying!” Auntie Ren said with an emerging giggly undertone.

Now, Aika was really confused. She was still fighting a losing battle with the huge tears that were dropping steadily from her eyes. What is going on here? Have I lost my mind? Aika thought to herself.

“Child, listen.”

“Yes, Auntie. It’s just that I am concerned for you. Are you all right?” Aika said with a puzzled look upon her face. Her tears had finally begun to slow down and as they dried upon her face, she could feel her skin become taut.

“Aika, I’ve brought you something, a gift, from your mother; on behalf of your mother, I have come with an all-expense paid tour of Tuscany. Your mother dreamt of a day when you would follow your dreams, that day is today Aika.”

Aika didn’t know what to say. She attempted to say something, anything but the words stayed down and she continued to listen to her Auntie.

“She never wanted you to compromise who you are for others expectations of who you should be. Aika, child, your mother was a very wise and strong woman and you are very much like her. Let go of the doubt you have for the choices you’ve made and know that she was, is, and always will be proud of you.”

Aika hadn’t noticed that the waiter had brought a bottle of Tomi no Oka wine to their table until Auntie Ren began to pour from the bottle. There were two beautifully elegant wine glasses that appeared to be hand painted with red cherry blossoms that began filling up with the rose colored wine.

“Here child,” Auntie Ren said as she handed Aika her glass. “Let us not only celebrate your graduation from university, which I am so very proud for, but also your mother. Celebrate your mother’s life, embrace her spirit, and honor her by accepting this gift she has given to you.”

As both women lifted their glasses in unison, they each gave an endearing, “Kanpai!” as they toasted to the still ever present spirit of Aika’s mother. Aika missed her now, more than ever. She began to feel the tears return and this time she didn’t fight them. Aika was overwhelmed. Had she just heard her aunt right? Italy? Tuscany? Father’s approval? She felt as though she were dreaming. Since she was a child Aika’s dreams were always filled with imaginary trips to Italy. She knew she would make it there one day, but she thought that day was in the far future.

Ren felt her sister’s spirit with them as she embraced Aika, pausing a moment to kiss the young girl on the cheek.

“Thank you,” Auntie Ren whispered.

“Auntie, it is I who am thankful. I could never thank you enough for your gift,” Aika said.

“No, Aika. It is I who am thankful. I am thankful that I was blessed with a generous and loving sister, a sister who trusted me enough to watch over her children when she no longer could. I am thankful for both you and your brother. You are both my heart and I am blessed to have been able to watch you grow into fine adults. Go and enjoy child!”

What a gift from the heart, Aika thought to herself.

“When do I leave?” Aika asked with the same spirit, enthusiasm, and zest both her Aunt Ren and mother encompassed.